On my website the other week, I commented about an art project I was doing with Brian Channer of Odd Zebra and NuBriton. We met again this week at our mutual place of work and sat conversing with the young ladies in the hostel. He read us a wonderful poem that he had written as the result of a sculpture either he or someone on one of his projects had done. It was about three ladies: one who wore a polka dotted dress, a wise lady in blue and a third in red. They each characterised different aspects of womanhood- I forget the intimate details but the poem was wonderful. I love listening to good verse and appreciate how poetry is the dance of language. I love being stirred and moved by words. As I was sat on the train yesterday I got to thinking about this wonderful poem I wrote this as a reaction: 

His Poem

I would love to write verse that made the soil turn
And have roots protrude from concealed seeds
Instead 
All I can do is listen, be mesmerised by words that caress into submission
Words that turn the heart of a polka dotted girl.
Who was she who lay horizontal in the reeds
Behind a purple setting sun and a jet blue sea?
Who was she who rose wise and empowered
Swaying with her nation? 
Loved at last from the inside out;
Birthed again from a thousand splendid whispers
We are told he was softly spoken, sober yet drunk with the knowings of herstory
The lady in red glows again
Another song rises from the lady in blue 
I sit with the polka dotted girl  
And sprouts blossom
From tear drops in the soil.
We are all something different from his words.

Confusion is in my Brain, Confusion: It’s got to be a Love game.

During the book launch two weeks ago, I spoke about how one of the reasons the book is important is because it helps parents build up confidence and self worth in their children. And I stick by that wholeheartedly.

It’s hard enough being a teenager, but when you throw low self esteem and love into the mix, it just complicates matters.

Here are  two characters- one Adult and one Teenager. They are having a conversation at a bus stop.

-He doesn’t know what love is, but I can show him. I need him and want him so badly.

             
But what about your Higher Self? What does She want?

-I dunno, I dunno. I just need him.

If you loved yourself and were sorted do you think you would want him?

-No.

Well why do want him now?

-Well am not sorted am I?

The night before the Book Launch

It's almost 1am, and really I should be sleeping, but of course I can't.
The first launch of Top Tips for Raising Today's Teens is taking place tomorrow. How do I feel? Well, tired to be honest. I have spent the week feeling nervous, excited, scared and wanting to call the whole thing off!

I have done the promoting, the printing, the checking in with the host, the guest poet, friends and colleagues.  There is a box of books on the living room floor. There's leaflets, paperwork, paper saucers and plastic cups: Fruit juice and paraphanelia. It's all there. Ready to go.

Earlier I purchased a cardigan to match my skirt- so at least I won't be wearing black. I got my hair redone, have had a glass full of vegetable juice, have prayed, meditated and visualised. Am hoping a sleep from about 1.30 until 9 will be fine. I have instructed the boys not to stay up too late, as imagine the three of us turning up looking totally busted. Not good.

There is little more I can do except hope the gods are on my side. I love the book and although I haven't rehearsed what I'm going to say, I  am fine about that,  as all I need to do is be honest. It will be organic. :)

The ones who are meant to be there will be there. And the ones that aren't won't, it's that simple.There is nothing more that I can do right now. Except sleep.

21/12/12

We made it. And I must say I am pleased.
I did plan to see the sunrise at 8.04. Perched on the edge of a damp bench, around the corner in Blackheath Park, taking in the first of the cosmic rays. As it was, I was totally oblivious to the sound of the alarm and opened my eyes when it was clearly too late.

I dragged on the same black leggings, eased into my torn grey boots and that grey jumper again and 9am saw me jogging down the back path, up the hill and then left towards the park.
I haven't looked at the sun so directly for ages. I tend to forget in my comings and goings. Today I am pleased to smile at the morning.  Smile at the possibilities ahead. I lean on the back of a bench facing east and, before the mayhem of Christmas and the work of promoting my book begins, appreciate the dawn of this day.

It has been well over a week since the initial excitement of the book. I recieved a couple more copies so was able to give one away and put one on the book shelf. That wave of excitement did come back to me, I have to say. When  I saw the spine of my book tucked there, neatly between I play the drums in a band called okay, by Toby Litt and Numerlogy, by Harish Johari.  Numerology makes me think of an old friend, Reggie. We used to have long conversations about life, spirituality, poetry. He bought a tiger's eye necklace from me once. When I said 'no' to a relationship with him he gave me such a harsh cursing. He was so mean.

Top Tips for Raising Today's Teens

It's done diary. The book is here! I waited a few days before I submitted a post as it would of been a complete gush!! The book came on Friday 30th November, a date that will be imprinted in my brain.
I had already begun my weekly trek across London, when my son sent me a WhatsApp message.
"It's here mum," he said. "I'm sorry I opened it, but I knew what it was!" And a picture of my first book! I jumped up and down in Charing Cross Station and if I could, I would have turned back and gone home so I could see it now. For myself.
Instead I bought a flower covered journal from Funky Pigeon and a few minutes later sat on the tube and wrote thanks to Mother Father Universe, Jesus, the Divine ones. My ancestors, my parents, my sons and everyone who contributed to the book's creation.
I had begun to feel my molecules changing from several days ago. When AuthorHouse first informed me the book was on Amazon I skipped and jumped between my sons: Both of them, taller than me  looking down on their excited mum.

Top Tips for Raising Today's Teens

I am close to my first book being published and I am tremendously excited!! Part of me feels like I am no longer going to have time to write, what with all the marketing and promoting I need to do, but that is part and parcel of being self published I suppose. I went with AUTHORHOUSE who assure me the book will be ready to buy on line from the 7th December! But what I can't wait for is to get my complimentary copies through the post and in my hand! I think my molecules will change when I finally fulfil such a long awaited desire.