The night before the Book Launch

It's almost 1am, and really I should be sleeping, but of course I can't.
The first launch of Top Tips for Raising Today's Teens is taking place tomorrow. How do I feel? Well, tired to be honest. I have spent the week feeling nervous, excited, scared and wanting to call the whole thing off!

I have done the promoting, the printing, the checking in with the host, the guest poet, friends and colleagues.  There is a box of books on the living room floor. There's leaflets, paperwork, paper saucers and plastic cups: Fruit juice and paraphanelia. It's all there. Ready to go.

Earlier I purchased a cardigan to match my skirt- so at least I won't be wearing black. I got my hair redone, have had a glass full of vegetable juice, have prayed, meditated and visualised. Am hoping a sleep from about 1.30 until 9 will be fine. I have instructed the boys not to stay up too late, as imagine the three of us turning up looking totally busted. Not good.

There is little more I can do except hope the gods are on my side. I love the book and although I haven't rehearsed what I'm going to say, I  am fine about that,  as all I need to do is be honest. It will be organic. :)

The ones who are meant to be there will be there. And the ones that aren't won't, it's that simple.There is nothing more that I can do right now. Except sleep.

21/12/12

We made it. And I must say I am pleased.
I did plan to see the sunrise at 8.04. Perched on the edge of a damp bench, around the corner in Blackheath Park, taking in the first of the cosmic rays. As it was, I was totally oblivious to the sound of the alarm and opened my eyes when it was clearly too late.

I dragged on the same black leggings, eased into my torn grey boots and that grey jumper again and 9am saw me jogging down the back path, up the hill and then left towards the park.
I haven't looked at the sun so directly for ages. I tend to forget in my comings and goings. Today I am pleased to smile at the morning.  Smile at the possibilities ahead. I lean on the back of a bench facing east and, before the mayhem of Christmas and the work of promoting my book begins, appreciate the dawn of this day.

It has been well over a week since the initial excitement of the book. I recieved a couple more copies so was able to give one away and put one on the book shelf. That wave of excitement did come back to me, I have to say. When  I saw the spine of my book tucked there, neatly between I play the drums in a band called okay, by Toby Litt and Numerlogy, by Harish Johari.  Numerology makes me think of an old friend, Reggie. We used to have long conversations about life, spirituality, poetry. He bought a tiger's eye necklace from me once. When I said 'no' to a relationship with him he gave me such a harsh cursing. He was so mean.

Top Tips for Raising Today's Teens

It's done diary. The book is here! I waited a few days before I submitted a post as it would of been a complete gush!! The book came on Friday 30th November, a date that will be imprinted in my brain.
I had already begun my weekly trek across London, when my son sent me a WhatsApp message.
"It's here mum," he said. "I'm sorry I opened it, but I knew what it was!" And a picture of my first book! I jumped up and down in Charing Cross Station and if I could, I would have turned back and gone home so I could see it now. For myself.
Instead I bought a flower covered journal from Funky Pigeon and a few minutes later sat on the tube and wrote thanks to Mother Father Universe, Jesus, the Divine ones. My ancestors, my parents, my sons and everyone who contributed to the book's creation.
I had begun to feel my molecules changing from several days ago. When AuthorHouse first informed me the book was on Amazon I skipped and jumped between my sons: Both of them, taller than me  looking down on their excited mum.

Top Tips for Raising Today's Teens

I am close to my first book being published and I am tremendously excited!! Part of me feels like I am no longer going to have time to write, what with all the marketing and promoting I need to do, but that is part and parcel of being self published I suppose. I went with AUTHORHOUSE who assure me the book will be ready to buy on line from the 7th December! But what I can't wait for is to get my complimentary copies through the post and in my hand! I think my molecules will change when I finally fulfil such a long awaited desire.

The Verge

It's that piece of ground in between. Where you stand back and view the clogged and winding path of which you've just emerged. With just enough room to swing your arms around, skirt flaring, a flower in your mouth.The weight has left your shoulder.
One hand holds the summer hat it was inappropriate to wear until now. Pink dust catches it's way up your legs and you like it.
The verge is where a flower is milliseconds away from bursting into form, or closed leaves gently carve joint heads above soil.  It's the place where a wish is about to be granted. Even greater when its one you loved enough to give yourself. The skirt twirls some more.

It dazzles in the distance. In front there are leaves of orange, deep red and lime green scattered along a path. Your dream is right there, in this moment. You've battled self-doubt, fall outs, conversations, the schools, the colleges, the teachers. The doing without, the inspiration, the clarity, the making up, the Higher Self, the meditation, the manifestation. There's a contended sound of water that you know is translucent though you have yet to see it. The bird's song is to welcome you home.

I didn't know I would have a dance off in my head when this was done. I've had a great career, but I haven't ever achieved a thirty year old ambition.   As a young child I wanted to be an astronaut, then an archaeologist, then a doctor. Then I met Enid Blyton -and still wanted to be those things, but now I wanted to write books. For a short while I ambitioned as a secretary (that lasted for about two weeks!) But there was always the books. Once I left home it was a psychologist, a writer or a College Lecturer. I became a College Lecturer.

And that's why the verge is such a delightful place- because am on it, about to fulfil an ambition I have held since way back when. It's not the short stories or the novels yet, but I have always been a commentator and an observer even while being a teacher. And even if I have left teaching as a nine to five, through  this book not only am I teaching, but I also get to formalise what my students and other young people say about their lives and what works for them. It's my way of acknowledging and taking on board what they say. Because we do think they are valuable and worthy and lovely. My book is a way to show them that. 

I self-published because I wanted it out there asap. It's been a year since the idea changed from being a packet of information cards to a book, and as such, Top Tips for Raising Today's Teens will be my first book- and clearly I am excited!!

There is more work to do of course: Get the front cover complete, structure the courses that are attached to the book and once I get a cover I like it will be about letting schools, parents and organisations aware of its imminent release.

But for now I am happy to stand in the verge, twirling my skirt and eating flowers!

Empress

Of course I love walking around Africa and being hailed as Empress, Princess and Goddess. It does wonders for the self esteem and of course I felt at home amoungst those words, who wouldn't? I was on my own in Ghana and subject to the nuances of the people and that was fine, and I totally get that one of the characteristics of these countrymen is that once they take a shine to you, you almost have to prize yourself away. Speaking of a person I had a drink with the previous night my new friend Rasta said: "Once he sees you with me he will leave you alone." -Yea, thanks Rasta.