Tuesday 9 June 2009

Can I see you naked?

I bump into a local guy from time to time and we end up in conversation. He is about to go to Uni to do a Masters as he wants to teach. I am on the verge of leaving teaching after a vast number of years to go back to Uni as I want to write. Our conversations go something like this;
enthusiastic (him)
burnt out (me)
enthusiastic (him)
burnt out (me)
Theory theory jargon theory (him)
Oh God please (me).
And so it continues for several minutes whilst my eyes wonder above and beside him for something slightly more interesting.

I gave him a bit of advice the other month and it worked. When he saw me again he offered to take me out for a drink. "Yes Yes", i said. "No no," I thought.
"So how long have you been writing?" he asks.
"On and off forever," I reply.
"You'll have to let me see some of your writing".
He may as well of asked to see me naked!! I felt I wanted to cross my arms across myself and hide!! But why? If I want to develop my work until it's publishable surely it's because I want people to "see some of my writing". But as he said it I felt vulnerable, really protective of my work. Like it was too soon to let it out, like it was still my baby and I wasn't sure how it would cope out there on its own with someone like him glaring all over it. But that's what writers do- put themselves or their work out there for public scrutiny right? I don't know. Maybe it was the way he looked at me that got me a little on edge. My feeling was that I didn't want him to know me deeper than the conversations we have. I don't want to discuss my work with him, and I don't want him reading it over and over again. (Am assuming right now!!) But it was crazy, our little interaction. Crazier still are these thoughts I have. Sooner or later one has to cut the apron stings. Sooner or later a girl has to don the bikini and let the world watch. Sooner or later a girl has to agree to get naked.

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