Pain and Struggle

Alas, I still have a day job. And it is what I will do until that blessed day when writing can pay my bills.

So there I was in my day job, just yesterday. In a secondary school in London supporting students with their Literacy and Personal development.
 For this particular session a rap artist was invited in as part of a music project. I forget his name, but he really was rather good! Said he recognised me from Battersea, as he was raised there, as was I. So there he was doing his conscious rap thing and the students were indeed inspired and engaged.

As one door closes, the fridge door opens

It really didn't dawn on me- the real reason my figure has remained as is for the last twenty years. I thought it was just my good fortune that while all about me were starting to look their age, I have stayed slim, quite slim and extremely slim!
A lady I used to teach some ten years ago was in my house the other day- after us bumping into each other after almost four years. "I've never forgotten you," she said. I smile. Nor I her. She was part of my best teaching group ever. After her class, teaching just went down hill for me. I have never forgotten any one of that class and am glad to say I am still in touch with a few of them.
        "I wondered what you look like now," she continued. "If you'd put on wieght."
        "Oh no," I say. "This is me." And I admire myself in a way I only do when my clothes are on.

The Lawrences

All I can do is send love and light to the family of Stephen Lawrence. I am  overwhelmed with compassion when I see them  speaking on TV.  Especially with  Mr  Lawrence. He is so softly spoken. He's so composed  and hurt and humble.

I received an email that said 96 boys have been murdered since Steven. I hope it isn't true. Then imagine another eighteen years of fighting for justice on top of that.  It's a long time. I have a child of  seventeen.  There's a generation of boys who have been raised with a backdrop of Steven Lawrence conversations. We would tell our sons, "be careful," while  warning that there'd be noone to pay if they weren't.

A day without roll-ups

Today has been the first time in a long time I have deliberately not brought tobacco!! A whole complete day! I did have a few yearnings and must say I was on the brink of going to the shop, especially when my friend was going on about something to smoke. On the verge I was! Then I thought, "no, that's your craving not mine. Am gonna stay with myself and see what I come up with." And that's what I did. 2nd January and no Amber Leaf roll ups! Who woulda thought!

I'd love to see what my skin would look like with no tobacco. I would love to see how far I could run, how far I could swim! And if the world is coming to an end and there's gonna be all this mad apocalypse stuff, a girl needs lung capacity.  I'm not saying I've stopped, as I haven't. But I'm most certainly going to cut down and begin with more of a balance between tobacco days , and non tobacco days like I used to. The days when I didn't have to be sucking on cigarette paper in order to get through the day.  Well I'm going to see if I can revert to some of that!! Just to see what it feels like.

Another year

Happy New Year to all of us. I hope this is a year of love health and prosperity:For our dreams to come true in all areas of our lives.
2011 was a good year for me. I have been happier than in a long while and accredit that feeling to the laying down of old baggage and stepping into my Higher Self - a much better place to live ones life!

Each year suggests a new start for me, but this year is not about new beginnings. I am not going to start any new projects until I experience successful completion of the ones before!!

2012 is about seeing what I can complete out of a firm belief in my abilities.

In terms of my writing, there is a non fiction work that I started more than a few years ago. It has been revitalised and is now going to come out in the form of a book. The first month of this year is dedicated to COMPLETING that and self publishing in early spring.

As is evident by the amount of posts I put up last year, I should not make any promises about the amount of blogging I will do this year, suffice to say I now have consistent internet in my home- so we shall see! I will send off a piece of creative non fiction somewhere!!

I aim to see the end of 2012 with a wide grin, pleased and happy with my achievements of the year- then I may be ready to start something new. I have twelve months to play with, as do we all. So happy playing in 2012!! And good luck to all of us :-)

I don't do Christmas

What exactly does it mean when you don't do Christmas? That's what the man at the check out at Tescos asked me when i gave him that tert reply after doing just a regular shop on Christmas Eve."It means I don't buy into the hype." I said. "Ohh,"  He looked at me the same way I imagine married people look at single people at weddings.
As I walked up the hill towards home, pleased with my shop thank you,  I tried to remember exactly why I usually back out of  Christmas. The most obvious thing I could think of was all the hype which I find so annoyig. "Spend, spend, spend before your cash runs out." "Spend, spend, spend- even when your cash runs out and get into nice fat debt, debt, debt." And the fact that they don't even mention Jesus anymore. But hark a counter thought: 1) Who are they? and 2) Jesus wasn't born on Dec 25th anyway. We know this.

I  have the wonderful task of buying for books for a local youth hostel! I have a small budget so it is with sheer delightful I meander around the musty crammed shelves of second hand book shops as I hunt for treasures. plus there's that £2 book shop in Greenwich that have some wonderful, brand new books for a fraction of the cost. Wonderful. I purchased;
Dreams and what they mean
Everything you need to know about Spells and Charms
A long way gone; memoirs of a boy soldier
Waiting to Exhale (I know, I know- but hey!!)
Numerology
A Long Way Down
I know  why the caged bird sings- an old classic,
                                          Maniac &          
                                          The coldest winter ever. 
Not bad for a mere £35! I'm pretty darn pleased with myself. I toyed with the idea of keeping Spells and Charms- but I've  a similar one already, and have been gently opening the pages of A Long way gone; reading the exploits of  a boy soldier in Sierri Leonne at the outbreak of war. It's brilliant so far, and has to go on my own reading list.
This is how I love to spend my days. Books and paper and reading and words. Wonderful!